Книги по грамматике

Художественная литература




There's a well-known joke: a woman is driving down a motorway and her husband phones her on her mobile.
'Darling, be careful!' he screams. I've just heard there's a car driving the wrong way on the motorway near where you are.'
'It's not just one car.' she says. 'there are hundreds of them!'

And here's another one: a man is driving his daughter and they are stuck in traffic.
The little girl says, 'I have a question.' 'What is it?' asks her father.
'When you're driving, are YOU ever the stupid idiot?'

Jones! Can you tell the class how you spell elephant? - E-L-E-F-A-N-T, sir. The dictionary spells it E-L-E-P-H-A-N-T. - But, sir, you didn't ask me how the dictionary spelt it!.

A girl was standing in the middle of a busy road. A concerned man went up to her and said: - Is everything all right? Yes, said the young girl. Can you tell me how I can get to the local hospital? The man looked at the girl in the middle of the road. - Yes. Just stay right where you are! he said.

- Do you know what vegetarian cannibals eat. - No. What could they possibly eat? - Swedes!

- Do you know what the time is if your clock strikes 13? - Time to get a new clock!

- Do you know where your mother is? - She's round at the front. - I know what she looks like, I want to know where she is!

An Anerican tourist walked out of his hotel in the middle of the Sahara Desert. He was wearing nothing but his swimming trunks and carrying his beach towel. A local man came along on his camel and the American said: - Can you tell me where the sea is? - It's nearly 100 kilometres from here, said the Arab. - Now, this is what I call a beach, said the American.

A chemistry teacher was testing his students. - Now. Does anybody know what the chemical formula for water is? - H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O, sir. - What do you mean? - Well, my dead said it was H to O.

- Smith, can you tell me what kind of insect a slug is? - Er... a snail with a housing problem, sir?

- Collins, you did say you wanted yesterday off work because you were seeing your dentist, weren't you? - That's right, sir. - But didn't I see you coming out of the cinema in the afternoon with a friend? - That was my dentist, sir!

- Madam, you've put too many stamps on this letter. - Oh, dear, it won't go further than I want it to, will it?

A car knocked a pedestrian down. - What's the matter with you? shouted the pedestrian. Are you blind? - What do you mean - blind? said the driver. I hit you, didn't I?

- I don't want a car. I need a cow, said the farmer. - You can't ride a cow through the town centre, can you? said the salesman. - True. But I can't milk a new car, can I? replied the farmer.

- Maria, you're an identical twin, aren't you? - Yes. - How does your mother tell you apart? - That's easy. My brother has a moustache.

- My doctor says I can't play tennis. - Oh, so he has playes with you too, hasn't he?

- Doctor, come quickly. - What's the problem? - We can't go into our house. - It's not really a job for a doctor, is it? - I think it is. My baby swallowed the front door key.

- Why do people always out the right shoe on first? - I don't know. - Well, it would be silly to put the wrong shoe on, wouldn't it?

- I've never flown before, said the nervous lady to the pilot. You will bring me down safely, won't you? - All I can say, madam, is that I've never left anybody up there yet.

Mary told her father that she and her boyfriend, Harry, wanted to get married. - So, said Mary's father. You want to become my son-in-law, don't you? - Not really, but I don't have much choice, do I?
Сайт создан в системе uCoz