There's a well-known joke: a woman is driving down a motorway and her husband phones her on her mobile. |
'Darling, be careful!' he screams. I've just heard there's a car driving the wrong way on the motorway near where you are.'
'It's not just one car.' she says. 'there are hundreds of them!'
And here's another one: a man is driving his daughter and they are stuck in traffic.
The little girl says, 'I have a question.' 'What is it?' asks her father.
'When you're driving, are YOU ever the stupid idiot?'
|Jones! Can you tell the class how you spell elephant? - E-L-E-F-A-N-T, sir. The dictionary spells it E-L-E-P-H-A-N-T. - But, sir, you didn't ask me how the dictionary spelt it!.|
|A girl was standing in the middle of a busy road. A concerned man went up to her and said: - Is everything all right? Yes, said the young girl. Can you tell me how I can get to the local hospital? The man looked at the girl in the middle of the road. - Yes. Just stay right where you are! he said.|
|- Do you know what vegetarian cannibals eat. - No. What could they possibly eat? - Swedes!|
|- Do you know what the time is if your clock strikes 13? - Time to get a new clock!|
|- Do you know where your mother is? - She's round at the front. - I know what she looks like, I want to know where she is!|
|An Anerican tourist walked out of his hotel in the middle of the Sahara Desert. He was wearing nothing but his swimming trunks and carrying his beach towel. A local man came along on his camel and the American said: - Can you tell me where the sea is? - It's nearly 100 kilometres from here, said the Arab. - Now, this is what I call a beach, said the American.|
|A chemistry teacher was testing his students. - Now. Does anybody know what the chemical formula for water is? - H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O, sir. - What do you mean? - Well, my dead said it was H to O.|
|- Smith, can you tell me what kind of insect a slug is? - Er... a snail with a housing problem, sir?|
|- Collins, you did say you wanted yesterday off work because you were seeing your dentist, weren't you? - That's right, sir. - But didn't I see you coming out of the cinema in the afternoon with a friend? - That was my dentist, sir!|
|- Madam, you've put too many stamps on this letter. - Oh, dear, it won't go further than I want it to, will it?|
|A car knocked a pedestrian down. - What's the matter with you? shouted the pedestrian. Are you blind? - What do you mean - blind? said the driver. I hit you, didn't I?|
|- I don't want a car. I need a cow, said the farmer. - You can't ride a cow through the town centre, can you? said the salesman. - True. But I can't milk a new car, can I? replied the farmer.|
|- Maria, you're an identical twin, aren't you? - Yes. - How does your mother tell you apart? - That's easy. My brother has a moustache.|
|- My doctor says I can't play tennis. - Oh, so he has playes with you too, hasn't he?|
|- Doctor, come quickly. - What's the problem? - We can't go into our house. - It's not really a job for a doctor, is it? - I think it is. My baby swallowed the front door key.|
|- Why do people always out the right shoe on first? - I don't know. - Well, it would be silly to put the wrong shoe on, wouldn't it?|
|- I've never flown before, said the nervous lady to the pilot. You will bring me down safely, won't you? - All I can say, madam, is that I've never left anybody up there yet.|
|Mary told her father that she and her boyfriend, Harry, wanted to get married. - So, said Mary's father. You want to become my son-in-law, don't you? - Not really, but I don't have much choice, do I?|